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Whining and How to Chill out

Whining and How to Chill out

Posted by: admin - March 13, 2007
Question: Dear David, We have a real problem in our home with whining. We have two children, ages 4 and 7 who are both unfortunately whiners. On occasion, the 7 year old throws a full blown tantrum. So far, it hasn’t happened at school, but I’m holding my breath as this school year begins, because it has been a whiny summer at our house. We’ve even thought about bribery to stop it. Any help would be appreciated. Whine without cheese Answer: Dear WWC, First, let me say to you that bribery is a terrible idea. It’s disrespectful to your child, because it says to the child that “the only way I can get you to behave is to pay you off. You won’t do the right thing without a bribe.” There is not much more harmful to a child’s self-worth than to know that a parent thinks so little of him. The expectations that children hold for themselves are directly based on the expectations they perceive a parent holds for them. I think it’s important to consistently have logical consequences for the whining and use assertive communication. The consequences should be accomplished with a minimum of words and should be logically connected instead of punitive. There really is no need for parents to fuss, lecture or coax, it’s more important to take action. Any words that are used should be respectful and firm. I think you are right to be concerned about school, because if a child treats his own family abusively, eventually he may attempt to leverage this power in other relationships. You teach your children respect for themselves and others when you refuse to allow yourself to be manipulated or engaged in an argument or power struggle. Assertive communication says to your children “I respect and love you; I want you to understand me and my feelings because you’re important to me.” It’s very important for children to learn, as early as possible, that they may not always like our decisions, but they can, in the context of a loving respectful relationship, accept them. Question: Dear David, My kids are always telling me to “chill,” and I’ve been realizing that I don’t know how. What can I do? Unchilled in Bossier Answer: Dear UIB, Researchers in Positive Psychology find that people actually get more done if they take time out to SAVOR their day. Over time, people who set aside a few hours every week are likely to be healthier, more relaxed, and better able to cope with the stresses of everyday life. To start, make a list of 10 things you REALLY enjoy doing, whether or not you’ve made time for them lately. Make it stuff that gives you real pleasure. Choose one of those activities that you enjoy and take out your calendar, and IN THE NEXT MONTH, block out at least a 2-hour period that is JUST FOR YOU. Half a day is better and a whole day is best of all. Do whatever is needed to make that time free. And when Your Day comes, GO FOR IT. These tricks will help you get the most out of your day: Give yourself permission – this is Your Day. It is absolutely 100% okay for you to be taking this time. When spoilsport thinking comes along (and it will), play with it. Pretend it’s a stick floating in a stream, and just let it float away. Keep the day alive – collect a souvenir or take mental photographs to help you hold on to this special time. Focus – as though you were taking a photograph, adjust the “depth of field.” Focus on selected aspects of the experience and let the others go. Immerse Yourself – Try not to analyze the experience, just be there. Tell the story – Share your experience with a friend or partner – the joy that’s shared, multiplies by ten. . Write it down. Read it over as a reminder in a few days or weeks.
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