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Strip Clubs and Exhausted new parents

Strip Clubs and Exhausted new parents

Posted by: admin - March 13, 2007
Question: Dear David, I have a major problem with strip clubs, because I think theyíre disrespectful to women. Iím supposed to be getting married in the spring, and my fiancť recently told me that he has been to a strip club about 5 times, but only twice during the 2 years we've been together. He says he didn't know how I felt so he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He hasn't been since the subject has come up and I've voiced my feelings. He says he won't go out of respect for me, but it's important to me that he not go because he doesn't want to, not just because I don't want him to go. I know I'm being paranoid and think I need some serious help! Paranoid of Strip Clubs Answer: Dear POSC, It's good that youíre willing to question your reaction and that youíve told him how you feel in a way that he could understand. I think itís important that you recognize that your fiancť understood and respected your feelings AND was willing to change his behavior. Many people confuse instincts and wants with behaviors. Understanding the difference will help in your marriage and in other relationships too. Research has shown that the happiest and most stable marriages in the long run are those in which the husband and wife treat each other with respect and do not resist power-sharing and decision making with one another. When there is some type of disagreement (like one wanting to go somewhere that the other finds offensive), the healthiest path is to search for common ground rather than insisting on getting your own way. Itís important to allow ourselves to be influenced by our partners, and itís important that you see that he accepted your influence in his decision to stop going to strip clubs. Any man who isnít sold on the need to accept his wifeís influence more should consider the many pluses. Studies have shown that marriages where the husband resists power sharing are four times more likely to end than marriages where the husband does not resist. The better able you are at listening to what your spouse has to say and considering her perspective respectfully, the more likely it is that youíll be able to come up with solutions to problems that satisfies you both. So count your blessings as you walk down the aisle with this guy who clearly loves you and demonstrates that heís willing to change behavior in order to make the relationship work Question: Dear David, I recently became a mother and I love my new role and new son. My husband and I are thrilled to have our own little family. The problem is that we're both exhausted all the time and get very little time with each other. Before our little boy, our love life was terrific. Now we can't seem to re-kindle that romantic flame. What can we do to jumpstart romance in our marriage? Ecstatic but Frustrated Answer: Dear EBF, Understanding that this is NORMAL and that it's hard to be passionate when you're exhausted is a good first step. Coming up with solutions TOGETHER is a great second step. What could be more fun than brainstorming together about how to raise the romance level in your relationship? Allow me to offer some idea starters: Make lists of what you'd like to do when you get the passion back, because you will. Read them to each other on your first hot date. Remember that good sex is all about pleasing each other. Ask him what would feel really good, and tell him what you would like him to do to you. If it's a backrub or kisses all up and down your spine or if you just want him to march around naked for you, tell him. Establish a pattern: One evening a week, swap with another couple, babysitting time, that is. Or ask in-laws to watch the baby. Prohibit all talk about burping or baby throw-up or any other problems. Focus on each other. Remember, having babies is only one of the reasons you got married!
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